There’s a hole in the world…

like a great black pit/
and it’s filled with people who are filled with shit!/
And the vermin of the world inhabit it!

that is now stuck in my head. etched into my brain with the image of fake blood spewing everywhere and a brooding Johnny Depp in tight pants… mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm *drool… cough* um yes.

I just saw Dreamworks Pictures’ newest release: Sweeney Todd

Okay… this movie is classic Tim Burton: totally stylized, brooding, moody, and kind of freaky. The average moviegoer will watch this and leave thinking “what the fuck was that!” Always my favorite thing to hear when walking out of a movie i enjoyed and understood. But then again, I loves Burton and his films.

Sweeney Todd is basically a revenge story; Mr. Todd (ungh too weird, my favorite school headmaster was Mr. Todd!), was Benjamin Barker, a successful London barber. He married a beautiful girl and had a beautiful daughter, and he was beautiful and she was beautiful (as the song in the movie goes) and he was naïve. She was so beautiful that she caught the eye of a wealthy and greedy man who was also a judge. He had Barker arrested and banished for 15 years… I won’t say more, I don’t want to ruin the movie. Let’s say it’s like The Count of Monte Cristo just more gruesome and less swashbuckling.

Johnny Depp stars as the title character in this off-beat, bloody, slasher musical. I love Johnny Depp and when he teams up with Tim Burton, it’s magic… pure magic. As Mr. Todd, Depp has to sing. According to the small amount of articles I’ve read about the film and Depp’s fondness of not doing press tours (and the writer’s strike killing off the talk shows), this is Depp’s first musical role. I can assure you, he is the one singing… either that or the dubbing is damn good. lol. His voice is great, very lovely and he can carry not only a tune, but the whole movie. I do admit, he is very sexy. He’s sexy as a drunk, somewhat gay pirate, a creepily like Michael Jackson candy maker, a strange creation with scissors for hands, a cute little Victorian era guy made from clay, or a fanciful playwright who has a fondness for small children. Oh and he’s best in tight pants and he’s in tight pants in this film *drools*

Depp’s Mr Todd is brooding, dark, deep and psychotic. He starts killing all those who wronged him and complete strangers, you know, to destress. He has this look of a madman in his face and eyes that is so believable and captivating that if the Oscars and the Golden Globes shaft hims one more time…. *breathe* okay… no need to act like Sweeney. *cough* So, yeah. Okay where was I? Oh, yeah! Todd is murdering people for revenge. Yup. okay. Well, the goal is to get the Judge (Alan Rickman, shit he’s gotten old and I did NOT need to see him in tight pants with a codpiece) and his strange little lapdog like man played by Timothy Spall (is it more is he in every single movie this year, or just the ones i happened to see? he’s way too creepy). Sasha Baran Cohn turns up too, he’s even in the opening credits to my delight (loved Borat). His character is wonderfully funny and made me laugh the entire time, he plays the Italian stereotype well!

Helena Bonham Carter plays is “partner in crime” so to speak. She’s the owner of Mrs. Lovett’s Meat Pies, oh and her character’s name is Mrs. Lovett. She’s wonderfully um… how do i put this…. ummm deranged! That’s the word. She’s also the one that comes up with the idea of grinding up Todd’s victims and serving them in meat pies to the paying public. There’s a great song that’s involved about how the poor shall dine on the rich instead of the rich dining on the poor (reverse capitalism, love it!).

There are a few secondary characters… they confused me and they made the story too cute… nauseatingly cute. ungh, just seeing those parts of the story made me yearn for a bottle of Pepto.

I won’t go into details… that’s what real movie reviewers are for… like the one i found when I googled Sweeney Todd
Sweeney Todd cuts it close it’s from the LA Times… and she does a better job and goes over the back story of the characters and the actual musical.

The murders and the blood didn’t get me… the stylization and the day glow blood that basically looked like cherry Kool-Aid gushing about just made it “meh” to me… winced at the first few times, after that, it became old hat (so disturbing). What did get me was this

people were laughing!!!

like all out belly laughing… not nervous laughing. They were laughing like it was Will Farrel prancing about in too tight 70s styles clothes banging on a cowbell!

now that you laugh at… but someone getting their throat slit??? ummmmmm you need to stop watching the Saw series and come back to reality. granted the theater was filled with college kids just back home for Christmas break… and i remember my college years… there were quite a few people i’d like to get “Sweeney Todd” on *evil grin*

so go spend $10 for the ticket to see this; it’s totally worth it, especially if you like Tim Burton or Johnny Depp… or Stephen Sondheim’s (as he’s the one who wrote the play the film is based on and the music too)… besides, after spending time with the family, you probably wouldn’t mind seeing Johnny Depp slit a few throats might be stress relieving.

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on that note: i’m heading to Florida on the 26th and won’t be back till January 4th. This is probably my last blog post of the year so happy whateveritisthatyoucelebrate and have a happy new year…

now to wish you a fond holiday season… Viva Variety style

(old school ’90s Comedy Central was SO much better!)

off to bed!